November Yarnalong

I’m reading Beautiful Boy this week. I’m not ready to say much about it except that, the story is familiar, extremely well written and hard. Honesty and real life usually are hard though.

I’m making potholders for the church kitchen. Someone awesome asked me to make some for her this Summer. I had never made them before or even seen them but she lent me the ones that her mother had made and I searched online and found a pattern. I enjoyed making them and made some for myself after and now consider them a lovely set to gift.

It’s been rainy and sleepy here today. Hubby and I tackled hard things this morning and I’m being cryptic now because it’s all fresh and raw and private but sometimes things are hard and that is just life.

We had our morning and then with a nap before our favorite lunch as comfort we keep on keeping on. Not because of a poster or a meme that we’ve seen but because Jesus is Alive and we follow him. Our hope is in Him, for real, even when our feelings tell tales. And although this world we live in is full of pain and hard stories, real life ones like the one in the story above, we chose to have hope in Jesus. Redemption is real. So we press on. Thank you Jesus.

Next week we’ll celebrate our 12th anniversary. I counted and we’ve moved to 7 cities in those 12 years. It has been a lot of change. We almost added a child with every move. Our hearts are full to overflowing with joy and sorrow and hope. This is us, no pun intended. #AdoptiveFosterBioParents 👊🏼😉

I’m joining Ginny again. 🙂 Peace friends.

Hello October {Yarnalong}


I’m not at all sure where September went but it is gone and well, hello October! I haven’t done much knitting, but I have managed to turn the heels on both socks (the never-ending socks) and am maybe half-way done with a wee doll I started on a whim. I’ve taken a break from this pattern for now, but will return soon I think. Neither the socks nor the doll has a pattern to link to- I am just knitting them up and making adjustments as I go. Like I prefer to live life.

Let me step away and laugh out loud at that statement.

I think I’ve always loved the idea of living free and unhindered and relaxed and maybe even with flowers in my hair. But as much as I admire a good hippie, like a real one with greasy hair and body-odor (for real though- I do admire them but maybe that is another post) I can’t ever really be one. Or not today I can’t. My personality and my need for some kind of order or control keep me unable to commit to a life of hippiedom.

You see, I am a creative soul- there is no doubt. I may be a 4 on the enneagram (idk, I’m still trying to suss that all out) I write, I sing, I love the dirt in my fingernails after a morning in the garden. I can day-dream like a boss. I enjoy with a joy so deep and moving the making-of- things with my hands that it makes me tear up right now as I type but- my chaotic beginnings and all- that mess (hand sweep at my visualized past) made me cautious and afraid and my reaction to all that chaos and fear was to try with all my might to control and keep all here, gathered around me, within reaching distance to my safest spot found, everything that I could keep close and or hide behind.

In essence, my soul was created to be creative and needs the freedom and the courage to create and flourish like wildflowers in fields without borders but my wounds needed me to live in a small, quiet, be very afraid, draw-no-attention (but oh so needy of attention) box of barely existing survival.

The years of healing, of care and relationship with others and counseling, seeking personal growth and just being a disciple of Jesus have brought me to a life lived freer and full of courage. Most of the time. Okay- some of the time.

I do still struggle with all that need for control and order and fear, sorry God. It’s ok- He knows me, I know it. He loves me out of this mess that I am still. Everyday. I just know it. He is faithful to complete the good work He started here…

I love to knit free-style, now that I really know how to knit and understand the fundamentals of knitting I can just wing it. But I remember trying to just “see what I could make” (before really knowing what I was doing) and ending up with a strange washcloth or baby blanket for our kid’s teddy bear. And as my heart yearned so to be open and free and creative and unhindered by rules and regulations, I had to learn the fundamentals of my craft. The fundamentals give me a sturdy place to stand while I let my creative juices fly.

fun·da·men·tal

ˌfəndəˈmen(t)əl/

adjective

1.
forming a necessary base or core; of central importance.

I love a good pattern. Give me a nice big knitting chart that I have to follow or a well-written pattern that I must follow line by line and I am down for some knitting fun. I enjoy following the tiny perfectly square squares and all that precise work that will create something beautiful, I do. But I didn’t always love it.

I hated it. It frustrated me. I grunted and fussed and pouted my way through my first (I don’t even know how many) patterns. I knitted and made mistakes and took back the work and started again and pushed through for as long as the learning took and then when I completed the work I had learned something new.

Let’s see if this translates. I hope that you can hear what my heart is screaming!

Three things:

1. The discomfort that I felt in the learning widened my window of tolerance for discomfort, it grew my patience and strengthened my ability to learn something new.

• Discomfort does not always mean we should stop what we’re doing. Sometimes in the “keeping on” the discomfort there produces a kind of stretching- a deeper truer growth.

2. The pattern that felt so very confining to my creative soul taught my soul the discipline it needed to really be creative. It gave me wings.

• Don’t fight the rules. Don’t balk at the fundamentals. To love God with everything and love your neighbor as yourself = the pattern. There is unimaginable freedom in the confines of loving like Jesus.

3. No matter how many times I had to start over, I never quit. Finishing the hard thing(s) teaches tenacity. It gave me the satisfaction of learning, of conquering and of succeeding which in turn rewarded my tenacity.

• Make adjustments and try again. There are new mercies for us every morning. Every. Morning. Starting again (and choosing love and forgiveness again and again) strengthens our muscles of humility, of mercy, of Jesus-kinda-love and of resilience. That makes us stronger, not weaker.

I draw parallels here between learning a self-discipline like knitting and becoming more who you were created to be. I don’t know how that happened exactly. It wasn’t the plan when I sat down to tell you what I was knitting and reading for this month’s #yarnalong post. This is where my heart is lately, I suppose. Everywhere I look this is the lesson or the theme or the word.

I am reading This book. It hurts a bit to read because it resonates with me. There is a ton of wisdom in these pages though and I’d recommend it to all moms, not just adoptive ones.

I am still listening to this book. I’d recommend it to all parents. You really can’t go wrong with any of either of its author’s works.

I’m joining Ginny over at her link up. If you like books or fiber art of any kind you might head over and have a look-see. That’s it for me folks, peace out.

August {yarnalong}

It’s been pretty quiet on this blog but I did remember that it is time for Ginny’s monthly yarnalong. So yay, think I’ll join in.

I finished The Road Back To You by Ian Morgan Cron on Audible. It is such a great book and I think I’ve finally found my enneagram number. I liked this book because it is a very nice breakdown of the numbers strengths, weaknesses and things that will help us to grow and meet the challenges of our types. Thumbs up for sure.

I just started When Helping Hurts: Alleviating Poverty Without Hurting the Poor…and Yourself by Steve Corbett and and Brian Fikkert

Admittedly I’m in a bit of a knitting funk lately but I have managed a few rows on a pair of Vanilla Socks for a friend every other day or so.

I did commit to a test knit for Sally Jane Cameron who is @Pinkhairgirlknits on Instagram so hopefully this will help shake me out of my knitty groovlessness.

We. Will. See.

I’m kinda done with Summer. Ready for the school schedule and all that comes with. I think the kids are ready too. It does sometimes feel strange to not be a homeschool family. Good and strange at the same time. It was a big deal to change things up but it was right. I know that.

I say we’ll reassess every year but I am still not ready to homeschool again, not yet. It is funny to think and feel this way about homeschool now because I used to think and feel the same way about putting kids in school. Just so very hesitant. And fearful for sure. But yeah, there was nothing to fear. It’s been tough and different but God has been faithful and carried us through.

Truth is, if I felt Father lead us- my feelings wouldn’t matter so much, I’d do it and watch the miraculous and the growth happen as my feet hit the water. I’m just tired still lol.

I find myself praying that I will be willing to be willing to do as Father leads and praying that we’ll know if there is ever to be another change. Think that’s it for me for this post. Peace out 😉